darrengroth.com

Attention Canucks!  The Umbilical Word author signing event dates for Ladner and Richmond Black Bond Books are:

Black Bond Books Ladner: Sat, May 31 11-12noon
Black Bond Books Richmond: Sat, May 31, 2-3pm

Be there, or be a trapezoid.

All you Aussies - particularly those in Bris-Vegas - you can now get hold of pre-launch copies of ‘The Umbilical Word’ through the publisher IP. Follow this link:

http://www.ipoz.biz/titles/uw.htm

Far be it from me to defend publishers.

Yes, they are notorious for being near-sighted, conservative, luddite and lacking business acumen.  A prominent New York publisher I heard speak in 07 actually admitted that publishers “know nothing”.  I was impressed she knew that much.

But more than the follies of the book’s clueless gatekeepers, I have trouble stomaching the “all the publisher’s fault” fallacy invariably espoused by the spurned first-time writer.

HEY WANNABES - STOP WHINGEING!

Your 250 000 word fantasy trilogy was not rejected because they can’t identify true genius.  Your ’rite of passage’ novel cum thinly-veiled memoir of childhood was not turned down because you have no industry strings to pull.  Your epic romance spanning seven generations and seven continents was not nixed because they failed to read the whole thing, thus cruelling the incredible climactic twist.  And, no, your bold and bloody crime detective series set in your own backyard was not given the kibosh because they wanted to steal the idea for themselves.

Take some ownership, people!

Nobody asked you to write.  Nobody forced you.  Nobody put your detective’s gun to your head.  You took it upon yourself to create.  And despite your complete absence of any qualification or accountability, you are permitted to submit your scribblings to folks who MUST consider it; though, truth be told, they would prefer to gouge out their own eyeballs with the staples they specifically asked you not to use than lay eyes on your pap.

Wannabes, stop the blame game.  Write a better story.  An original story.  An irresistible story.  And, for God’s sake, write it bloody well!  Devise a plot that intrigues.  Have characters live and breathe.  Inspire emotion in the reader that is the seamless product of your imagination synergising with your craft.

And when you do all that, then you can scream at the top of your lungs that publishers, indeed, know nothing.

If you can’t wait for an upcoming book launch or author signing in a hemisphere near you, then maybe you want to purchase your brand spankin’ copy of The Umbilical Word at Amazon.  Yes, a pre-release UW is now up and running and ready to fleece your credit card.  Of course, the shipping is a biatch, but hey…you can’t put a price on quality fiction, can you?  And a struggling little company like Amazon really needs your support…

I am very pleased to announce that a percentage of author royalties from the sales of The Umbilical Word will be donated to the Bonnie Babes Foundation.  The Bonnie Babes Foundation is a non-government funded, non-profit, volunteer based charity which provides, among many services, 24 hour / 7 day per week counselling for families that have experienced the loss of a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth or prematurity.  For more info about Bonnie Babes and their fine work, visit http://www.bbf.org.au/

Coinciding with the release of The Umbilical Word, and courtesy of the opportunity to facilitate the State Library Of Queensland’s ‘Write!’ workshop series, I am coming back to Bris-Vegas.  The Oz visit dates are June 12-25, 2008. 

If anyone would like to discuss the possibility of an author talk / workshop / reading / friendly cuppa during these revised dates, or anything else that might be of mutual interest, please contact me at:

mvp@darrengroth.com

Dates and times and free sets of steak knives are limited…so act fast!

I was dismayed recently to hear rumours of a ‘Big Lebowski’ sequel.  The Coen Brothers - amongst America’s funniest and innovative writers in any medium or genre - wrote, produced, directed, distributed and catered this cult classic in 1998 and, until now, had refused any suggestion of a follow-up.

Ethan, Joel, you’re entering a world of pain!  To re-visit classic, one-off writing for the sake of a buck is fraught at best, damaging at worst.  

Same goes for deconstructing / explaining / contextualising / wankerising creative work to the point where no motive, no inspiration, no interpretation is sacred.  Do we really have to know EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING!  Do we have to implore Ian McEwen to rip apart every nuance of the devastating ‘balloon accident’ opening chapter of Enduring Love?  Must we bray for Mark Haddon to reveal the nitty-gritty of his autism experience at the heart of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time?  Understand this - if you use a magnifying glass on a piece of work, it will get burnt by the concentrated light.

Personally, as an author, I quite liked Peter Carey’s approach to this issue.  At a reading of Jack Maggs some years ago, a fan nay stalker asked him a question concerning the motivation of Harry Joy, the lead character in his first published novel Bliss.  With baited breath, she hung on an answer that would quench a twenty year thirst to know and, in all likelihood, allow her to sleep once more at night.

Carey’s response?

‘Sorry, I’ve got no idea…I wrote that so long ago.’

I’m positive I saw her catch a taxi to the nearest cliff during intermission.

Magic doesn’t need a manual, folks.  Savour it.  Revel in it.  Supplement it with a sliver of insider knowledge. 

Then leave it alone. 

‘MVP - Most Valuable Potential’ has achieved another gong with an official selection in the ‘Books From Our Backyard: 100 Must-Read Books From Queensland’ list (http://www.queenslandbooks.com/schools). Check out what they said about Sean, STU and the rest of the crew…

Okay, Harry’s all over.  And, seemingly, there is nothing more to be said; nothing more that CAN be said…
Wrong!
There is plenty to arguwrite about. For this little rant, I want to focus on JK Rowling and her benevolent dictatorship of the literary world.
Here are 3 mutterings nobody else will air…

Muttering 1 - Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely
From ‘Goblet of Fire’ through to the finish, JK never heard the word ‘No’. Not from her publisher, not from her agent, and certainly not from her editor. The minions bowed their heads as Empress Rowling unshackled her prodigious, unrivalled, exhaustive, adverb-riddled imagination. She had supreme creative control of her work and four epic housebricks resulted. Sounds like the ultimate for any author, doesn’t it? It’s not. Writers are too close, too involved, often too precious to centralise power in their hands. As much as they hate to admit it, they need a leash. After ‘Prisoner of Azkaban’ (by far the best work in the series) JK was let loose and the story of Harry Potter couldn’t keep up.

Muttering 2 - Bending to the Will of the People
For all her indisputable power, JK Rowling was a benevolent dictator, willing to acquiesce to the will of the people. How so? The wrap-up to the series was not as she originally intended. The ‘Deathly Hallows’ concept was a contrivance. An enjoyable, compelling, skillfully constructed, get-out-of-jail-free card. ‘But what about her planning it out from the beginning?’ I hear you ask. It’s true. She had it down before she put pen to paper. Trouble was, courtesy of a little animal called ‘Marketing Phenomenon’, the world wouldn’t accept it. So she bailed. Benevolence in dictatorship is both a virtue and a curse.

Muttering 3 - Better, Never Bigger
JK Rowling will never be as big again. The brand will (for a while) continue to ascend, climbing the backs of new marketing strategies and advertising gimmicks. There will be more big budget movies, more million dollar launches, more massive rating exclusive interviews. There will be endless merchandise. The term ‘new masterpiece’ will be bandied about ad nauseam. But she will never sell as many books ever again. Should she give it away? Not at all. Her best writing is still to come. How do I know? Because, once upon a time, before Harry Potter was clogging Yahoo and translated into Mandarin and serving as a motif for children’s undies, she wrote a book that succeeded because of the writing alone. JK Rowling can write. Too bad she can’t find a nice comfy vacuum to do it in.

Okay, put your hand up if you’ve ever tried to get infant twins to have a nap…
Put your hand up if you’d rather sit through a Lionel Richie set…

Dana and Zach are about to endure both. Traumatised by daughter Emma’s patent and piercing refusals to enter the land of Nod, the young parents have resorted to blindfolds, hide-n-seek, shooshing, rocking, patting, praying…all to no avail. And now there is only a single dark and desperate strategy remaining….

Originally published by Parenting Express in 2006, and now available as a download for $1.50 (Cdn), ‘Sleeping with Lionel Richie’ begs the question:

“Hello…is it me you’re looking for?”